We interpret their behavior and then we are offended because of OUR OWN THOUGHTS.
Do you want to be offended and unhappy or rather happy, healthy and full of energy?
It’s up to you!
It’s how you judge things. Nobody else then you can decide that.
When my sister-in-law first told me “fuck off”, I was overjoyed! At that moment I knew she really liked me! This means I rated the statement as positive. I admit – that wasn’t hard 😉
But why do we judge sometimes in a “positive” and sometimes in a “negative” way?
It’s what we’ve experienced in our lives. 95% of our time we are led by our subconscious. Thus, certain words, smells, facial expressions, situations or people unconsciously remind us of the past. It only takes a fraction of a second for us to respond.
In many cases, however, this has nothing to do with the current situation. We react unconsciously, switch to “autopilot” and the subconscious takes over. Disputes arise. Offended and injured people remain behind. Such conflicts make unhappy and sick as well!
How can I change that?
As soon as you notice that a situation or a conversation is going in the wrong direction – don’t interpret according to your experiences but ask questions! If your heart is already beating higher or your stomach is contracting – recognize, that these are the first signs that usually have to do with your past.
Make a decision:
1. You allow your past to influence your presence.
2. You recognize the feelings of your past and make the decision, not to be impressed.
If you choose the second option, you can proceed as follows:
Acknowledge that your body produces reactions and emotions.
Watch them, but don’t take them seriously.
Ask your counterpart what he meant by this statement. Keep asking until you know what it’s all about.
Be interested in the person you are talking to. Try to see why he made the statement or what he is really trying to say.
This approach has the following advantages:
- You’re distracting yourself from your emotions.
- You don’t start interpreting things into it and feel worse about it.
- Your counterpart feels appreciated and will listen to you in return.
- Misunderstandings are cleared up and misinterpretations are not even considered.
- At the end of the conversation you know what your counterpart really wanted to express, what he is concerned of and/or what burdens him.
- Constructive solutions can arise. The conversation ends harmoniously.
- Mutual appreciation improves the (business-)relationship with this person and deepens trust.
- You feel awesome because you managed to stay positive and made a great contribution!
Try to do so – I’m looking forward to your feedback!
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I wish you a lot of strength and success in everything you do and look forward to a next time.
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