How to Find Freedom and Fulfillment in Your Relationships
Do you remember when you fell in love?
You smiled and laughed often, butterflies fluttered in your tummy and life felt radiant and wonderful.
At some point though, everyday life came in, your laughter faded, the butterflies disappeared and things changed.
The Illusion of Relationships…
In the beginning of a relationship, through each other’s consent, you feel affirmed. You both experience a high altitude flight and are happy.
Subsconsciously you recognise your partner’s abilities and tend to believe they can meet your needs. You may even expect it, although mostly on an unconscious level.
Unfortunately, this mutually recognized potential, fulfillment and affirmation doesn‘t last forever. The rose tinted glasses break and emptiness and dissatisfaction return.
When the relationship ends, you realize the other person was not able to give you what needed and the illusion stops.
Many people make the mistake of believing they need a partner to be happy. Statements such as “I need you to be happy” or “Without you I cannot live” only show co-dependencies and are not rooted in true love.
The Truth About Love…
You and I have to recognize we are free beings. Each of us has lived several times, whether here or in another world.
Our souls continuously gather experience. We are great beings who have decided to incarnate again on Earth.
We come “alone” to this world and go “alone” from this world. Throughout our journeys, we meet other souls with whom we share the path. Some accompany us for a lifetime, while others are with us briefly. It is all good. Each experience, however long or short, helps us to mature, become more conscious and ultimately understand and recognize ourselves better.
Whoever can accept this will understand true love is free. In other words, “True love does not bind”. Understanding this is an essential foundation for healthy relationships.
When two people are in a relationship and one begins to cling to the other, become jealous, dictate to the other person what they can say, do or think, it is not love.
Instead, it‘s an expression of deep and mostly unconscious fears. Feelings the person does not want to experience. Fear of separation, loneliness, rejection. Feelings of being unloved, unwelcomed, wounded, unappreciated, let-down, over-looked, not-heard, the list can go on and on…
To help you deal with this, you need to understand the law of resonance (For more information, read blog: “Self-Responsibility”). The law of resonance always says “yes”. Whoever is afraid to be rejected, will be rejected. Whoever is afraid of loneliness will be lonely. You do not even have to get separated. You can feel lonely at any time; even when you’re surrounded by people!
The Good News…
There is good news though: Your biggest fears and your most difficult challenges are your greatest opportunities.
The fear of being separated or unloved is so old; it probably reaches back to the first person alive. This means you have inherited emotions from your ancestors and can pass emotions on to your children too.
It’s also possible you know these fears from other lives. They are deeply anchored in your cells. In this life, they were re-activated at birth, when you were expelled from paradise in your mother‘s womb.
So how do you grow and learn?
Find the Poodle’s Core…
If one of our greatest fears is to be separated and unloved, and if our greatest opportunity lies in facing our most difficult “challenges”, then we need to find “the poodle’s core“.
Finding the “poodle’s core” is a German expression. It means getting to the root of a problem, finding it’s cause.
To set yourself free and find true love, you need to stop treating the symptoms of a problem and get to the root cause.
Because you feel separated from yourself, you try to generate “oneness” through somebody else. That is why we are all looking for a partner, who is our other half, perhaps even the “better half”. This is a tough role for your partner, especially because the other person will never be able to fill this gap!
How Do You Find the Core?
From my point of view, we are here to find our way back to our true selves and recognize that separation is merely an illusion.
This is why it’s important to give your partner the freedom he needs. Each person has to go the way he has to go. When you try to prevent your partner from going his way because of your own fears and insecurities, you will not reach your goal of fulfillment and wholeness.
At this point, you may disagree and say: “What if my partner cheats on me?” Remember, you can never be cheated by others, but only by yourself.
Let me explain…
Your partner can only cheat on you if you have degraded him as your property. He is not your property and he never will be. (Let me be clear though so you understand this correctly, it is not about a “license” for constant cheating. This is another thing.)
A true partnership, whose foundation is love, is characterized by giving each other the freedom of self-development. Not because of a sense of duty or self service, but because you enjoy seeing your partner fulfilled.
If your partner has a strong desire to go overseas for a long time, you will not stop him because you understand it’s important to him. You both go on living your lives and creating more experiences. In time you will bring these experiences into the relationship to add new depth to it.
Seen from the outside, you may be separated during this time. But your hearts feel the bond. This is the important difference between being “connected” in the heart instead of “bound” (or restrained) by your partner (This story only serves as an example for many possibilities).
If your partner didn‘t follow his heart’s desire and stayed at home, he would cheat himself. He would be unhappy in his innermost being, which would show itself on the outside through dissatisfaction. Consciously or unconsciously, he will blame you and your partnership is endangered.
We all have longings and heart desires within us. If you do not live those, because you don’t want to hurt those dearest to you, you end up hurting and cheating yourself because you are not taking yourself seriously.
If you ask people who are dying what they would change if they could, they often answer: “I would dare to follow the call of my heart.”
Do you struggle with unfulfilled relationships? Or do you have a heart‘s desire you long to fulfill?
If you need help to face your greatest fears and get to the root of the problem, please contact me. Together we will discover the cause and identify the lessons, so you can realize your greatest opportunities to live a whole and fulfilled life. I will walk alongside you, coaching and mentoring you to find your freedom and oneness.
Time for New Beginnings!
Emotional Intelligence is learnable. It does not matter which level you are on!
I offer in-house trainings and open trainings and I look forward to hearing from you: